See, there's a plausible explanation here, really, there is. Being a terrible human being, I reviewed the list of remaining tasks and selected the easiest one. One that would make a real impact, get me a real attaboy. The item on the punch list that jumped out at me: Install cabinet hardware. "Piece of cake," was the thought that sprang forth. I could easily, casually knock out the cabinet hardware and listen to Peter Sagel and the gang work through another episode of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" (It's NPR's News Quiz!). Problem was, before I realized it, I'd gone through "Wait, Wait..." and an episode of that puzzle show hosted by Opheira Eisenberg and hadn't quite finished. Not only that, but several of the handles weren't exactly what one would describe as "plumb".
Turns out, it's harder to install handles (not knobs, mind you, knobs really are easy!) without a pencil or a partner (Hi Wife) than one might think. Being able to measure and line up holes that are straight and level is hard. So, I built a jig. Using some skills I learned watching some woman fashion hats from various leaves in an episode of "Naked and Afraid" I made a handle template from masking tape. Without a pencil, though, I was forced to improvise again and score the tape with a random screw where my lines were. This would allow me to consistently measure down from the top of the cabinet door. [Ooof, this is way to long, and I've lost you already I'm sure]. Next, I drilled a couple holes 3-5/16" (thanks for that dimension, Ikea!) in a shim and set off. The problem I realized about 4 handles in was that, despite using a level with my shim, some of the handles weren't vertical. Impossible! I'd checked and re-checked and sure enough: leaners. After a little cussing, ok a lot of cussing after the first hole I drilled I drilled on the DAMN HINGE SIDE OF THE DOOR (Derp! Guess I'm buying another cabinet door), I realized that the holes I put in my shim weren't in line (Derp #2).
After realizing my error (and cussing more), screaming at the world (did you hear a faint wail around 11:25 this morning?), and asking the wife how bad it was (not great), I proceeded and knocked out all the cabinet handles. ...ok, minus the one where I drilled on the hinge side.
Figure 1. Far right is leaning, yeah. Middle one oopsie!
Figure 2. The horizontal ones aren't centered either
Figure 3. Blurriness makes it all look better, though. Have another drink!
After that debacle I went around a did a few random tasks. See, by doing that I can show the boss (Hi Wife!) how many things I did. They may be non-issues, like adding Teflon tape to the shower head, tightening one of the fittings under the sink, and fixing the master bathroom sink, but hey, that's more lines on the sheet than "doing the floors", and doing the floors is a multi-day task. See I'm smaht [that's "smart", but fancy sounding!]. The problem with those things is that they don't photograph well. Certainly one can photograph a leak, but documenting the lack of a leak, that's a challenge without video. ...and if you're disappointed that you don't have a video of non-leaking plumbing, you need to check your priorities in life. ...find a hobby, get a dog, plant a tree!
But, it wasn't all stuff-that-can't-be photographed! I did install some light cover things to help hide the fact that the holes are just a little too big. ...or, maybe it makes it all the more noticeable. I even did the decent thing and scraped all the crapola off the bulbs.
Figure 4-5. Lights! Covered!
One of the things the boss (Hi Wife!) will have to do upon her return will be to go on an Easter Egg hunt for the missing light cover. Because there's no way that we got one fewer than we need. NO WAY! I guess I'm adding stuff on the list now. Crap. ...headed in the wrong direction.
Not wanting to get into anything real good, next a window pane or four were scraped. ...from the inside. I was lazy and lacked the proper tool to finish. So, after losing steam there, I sought another task that would look like I did something really important: Kitchen Faucet!
Without having the proper tools it's not exactly what one would call "Functional" since it'd leak like a sieve, but... It's there! ...and I think it's placed correctly, even! It doesn't lean! Talk about features!
Figure 6. Almost mostly fully functioning sinks!
Problem is, by claiming this work today, if the job is finished tomorrow, I don't really get credit for it. Dammit!
In order to beef up the list of accomplishments I also installed the knobs (easy!) on the master vanity.
Figure 7. Knobbed
...and installed the doorbell.
Figure 8. Donged
Here, let me help you out with that:
Figure 9: There you go
It's an awful chime, really, it is. The choices are a single, computerized "DONG" or that Eight Noted Westminster chime that's in everybody's grandmother's house. You know what though, that's the next person's problem. I'm not getting into the wiring and logic of a doorbell because I don't like the "DONG" [Get your mind out of the gutter, I know, certainly there's an inappropriate joke or 10 in here, but I'm not going to write them (Hi Ma!)]. The new owner can take the doorbell off and remove the relay if they want. Directions will be in one of the kitchen drawers, bucko.
That's enough for Saturday, more on tap tomorrow though, tune in to find out just what happened!
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